ABOUT LINDA
I, Linda Jernigan, was born to Leroy Jernigan and Thelma Jenkins. I was the last born of eight children. My mom was struck and killed by a drunk driver when I was three weeks old; therefore, I was given away by my dad and separated from my siblings to be raised by my maternal aunt and uncle. For the first thirteen years of my life I excelled in academics (honor roll) and I loved attending church (spoken word, singing). My maternal aunt and uncle whom I called, “mom and dad” raised me in a strict Christian environment and my mom was the head Sunday school teacher at our church. However, circumstances beyond my control forced me out of their house at the age of thirteen. I later moved with my maternal uncle and his wife. At the age of thirteen, while residing with my maternal uncle, I began to smoke cigarettes, abuse alcohol, and experiment with illegal street drugs; in addition, at sixteen I dropped out of high school. Consequently, after many counseling sessions my uncle decided he had reached out to me without any positive results in return for his efforts; therefore, I was instructed to move from his house. At age seventeen, with little education and a nicotine, alcohol, and drug habit, I hit the streets. I lived with countless relatives and friends, all ending in disaster. With all of the instability and inconsistency in my life, somehow things I learned in church (Sunday school and Bible class), during my early childhood years remained in me and often resurfaced; most often when I was extremely drunk.
Although I struggled with my sexuality for as long as I could remember, I had my first lesbian encounter with a woman in my church during my teenage years. This woman was my mentor but we became sexually involved during the mentorship. However, it was at age nineteen that I "fell in love" with the woman I would spend the next fifteen years. I remained in that relationship with her for fifteen years; although, most of the last two years were platonic as we both were seeking after God. After thirteen years of being with her (and eighteen years of being an openly gay lesbian), God began to pull on my heart strings. I became uneasy on the inside but I could not ignore, resist or deny what was happening.
See, on the outside, I was a real "butch/stud." I never wore long hair, bright colors, or anything that resembled a feminist. However, I cut my hair extremely low (complete with fades, tapers, and razor linings). I mostly wore jogging suits with a fresh pair of jumpers (gym shoes). I could sport (wear) a full goatee if I desired and I only wore men clothes, men shoes, men jewelry, and men colognes.
As I aforementioned, God began to tamper with things on the inside of me. I began to feel uncomfortable in my relationship, drinking, partying, my clothes, shoes, jewelry, and colognes. I did not know what to do as I was not familiar with the dealings of God. In addition, most of the so-called Christians I consulted during that time could not understand me either. I told them I felt different and I was not sure if I wanted to be a lesbian anymore; but, I did not know how to come out of the lifestyle since I believed I was born gay. Most Christians I was acquainted with had lost hope that I could be changed many years earlier. I had been gay too long and my relationship seemed to be solid and more healthier than most marriages. Therefore, as I struggled to find my true identity, I got little help from most of the church go-ers in my life primarily because they had become comfortable with my lesbian lifestyle and with my partner. During this period of self-discovery, people close to me asked if I was certain I wanted to convert because they really liked the woman I had been in the lesbian relationship with and they did not desire to see us break up.
However, I continued to seek after God and I watched Him slowly turn my life around. The Lord began to bless me with Godly men and women as I needed them later. But first, God made me trust and rely only on Him. At first, I had a secret relationship with Him. I still drank alcohol but I would pray. I went to parties but after some parties I would attend an overnight prayer meeting. I was famous for pulling over in my car and walking into a Friday night church service DRUNK. I would sit in the back of the church and cry the entire time. No one knew what I was up to. But slowly, things began to be different in my life and the evidence of my conversion began to be highly visible. I developed a hate for my old life. I hated the things that once brought me so much enjoyment. I hated being drunk and having a hangover. It was no longer fun to throw-up for hours and spend all day in the bed sick from drinking all night. I hated spending my hard earned paycheck recklessly on drugs. I hated listening to and could no longer tolerate myself and my peers use profanity in every sentence. It absolutely began to make me feel sick. I felt like an alien, visiting from another planet, within the same circles where I once dominated and demanded respect.
Of all the things I hated, I began to love some things. I loved praying. I loved reading the Bible about how God delivered His people time and time again. I loved praise and worship services. I loved listening to the preached Word of God. I loved Christians. I thought they were like God Jr.'s. I had so much respect for the people of God and I hoped one day; maybe, I could even be a "Christian."
People often ask me what specific day I could point to as the day things changed for me. I must say that one hot summer day in August of 2000 when my friend and I got baptized was the turning point in my life. We both had been baptized before as children but now that we had a revelation of what baptism meant, symbolized, and represented (symbolically identifying with Jesus' death, burial, and resurrection; in addition, renouncing my old life and publically confessing I desired a new life in Christ Jesus), we felt that we needed to do it again. I will never forget that day so please allow me to share the details of the day that changed the course of my life.
I stood in the line waiting for my turn to be baptized. My friend stood one person before me. We looked into each other's eyes and said, "Good-bye, forever." We hugged right there at the baptism pool and cried rivers of tears. I knew for assurance if we went through with this baptism our relationship would never be the same again! Therefore, I could not watch her go down under the water. Just before she went down under the water, I closed my eyes and prayed to God; I asked that He take care of her and her children. I told God that I was giving them to Him. Then, I began to pray for myself. I asked God to deliver me like He delivered all of the people I had read about in the Bible. After that, it was my turn to be baptized. I proceeded to walk up three small stairs and I stepped my right foot into the cold water followed by my left foot. Shortly after placing both feet into the water I began to jump up and down; and, I cried out to God so loud that the ministers had to calm me down to baptize me. I was declaring, “I will never be the same, never be the same,” over and over and over again. Subsequently, they calm me long enough to submerge me under the water; and, when I came up I was praising God for my new life. I literally believed because I had been baptized that I now had a new life and I was celebrating! In addition, everyone who was around the pool (about 2,000 people) was celebrating with me. I am pretty sure they could tell I was a butch/stud lesbian and they were hoping and praying I would be delivered too.
Well, I was delivered (Glory to God!). But honestly, the everyday process of deliverance was more challenging and required me to commit to the process. I had to learn, many times by trial and error, how to walk with God, daily. My outward appearance is drastically different. I only wear women clothes, women shoes, women jewelry, and women’s perfume. I shave all hair from my face and I keep my nails groomed. In addition, my walk and commitment to God has been continually growing stronger and stronger with each passing year. I am glad to be saved and free of homosexuality! All the other blessings and favor I receive is just added butter on the popcorn. But, I thank God for the popcorn. I have many names and titles people use to refer to me but I am most honored to be called a "Christian;" an ex-homosexual who is now a devoted and “Delivered Christian!”